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Fedor’s Coach Blames His Loss On Mind Control

MMA legend Fedor Emelianenko lost for the second time in a row last Saturday night after the ringside doctor for his bout with Antonio Silva decided that he had suffered too much damage to his right eye to safely continue competing after the second round.

Emelianenko has inspired a legion of fans and many of them have concocted elaborate and sometimes outright daffy explanations for their hero’s ugly loss, but no more of an outlandish explanation for “The Last Emperor’s” defeat has been put forth than by Emelianenko’s own camp. In addition to accusing Silva of steroid usage and questioning the doctor’s stoppage, Fedor’s camp is now pointing the blame at psychological warfare in the form of hypnosis.

Seriously, hypnosis.

“We believe that forbidden psychological technology was used…,” Fedor’s coach Vladimir Voronov told (props to Fighters Only for the translation). “It seems to us that not everything was right, and that certain technologies were used. Not ones that could be seen by the naked eye but psychological technologies that worked on both fighters at a distance.”

Go on.

“That is why during the fight Fedor was just not like himself,” Voronov explained. “It seemed very strange behavior from Fedor. He stepped into the ring and did everything exactly the opposite of what we practiced before the fight. We were all shocked! Fedor had never previously done such a thing. Now nearly a week passes, everything settles, and we understand why all this happened.”

So, there you have it. Fedor lost because he was brainwashed. Looks like, in addition to testing for steroids, athletic commissions need to start making provisions for psychological warfare technologies in their pre-fight screenings.

… Or, Fedor’s team could deal with his loss by analyzing what went wrong in the fight from a technical standpoint and by addressing any mental deficiencies their fighter displayed in the context of reality, rather than by blaming them and his defeat on some kind of nefarious mental interference carried out by his opponent.