A nugget of Christmas wisdom from Don Frye’s Dear Don column:
What’s a good Christmas present for my girlfriend that doesn’t involve expensive jewelry or me wandering into a women’s clothing store? I feel like I don’t know how to shop for a woman, but I really like this girl and want to get her something good. At the same time, I don’t have a ton of money and am not ready to go the engagement ring route. What should I get her?
You don’t want to buy her a ring or any other expensive jewelry, huh? Congratulations. You’re not as dumb as everyone else. I don’t know where people get the idea that jewelry is some kind of Christmas cure-all. Maybe it’s from those damn commercials during the football games this time of year.
Anyway, you’ve already decided not to go that route, and I’m proud of you. What you do now is put your girl in the car and drive to the strip club. Take her in and buy her a lap dance for Christmas. The good news is that, even if she doesn’t like it, she can’t return it.
Who knows, maybe one thing leads to another and you both go home with a present. Call it a Christmas miracle. If it doesn’t work and she gets mad at you, hey, at least you’re already in the strip club. What better place is there to get cheered up after your girlfriend leaves you? Merry Christmas, partner.
You can read the rest of the column here.